Ryder's Bride (Brides Bay Book 1) Page 28

  Claire had been resisting her mom’s persistent questions about Ry ever since they got back from the New Hampshire race. That would end now though. There was no way she was going to get through this meal without a grilling. All her mother knew so far was that the race weekend had not gone well on either the relationship or the racing front.

  “He’s got another race next weekend, so I’ll be staying over and taking care of Stanley.”

  And wasn’t that going to be a blast? She could mope about the loss of both her old house and her almost boyfriend.

  Oh, get over yourself, Claire.

  In fact, what she planned on doing was painting a couple of views of the house. That way she’d have some mementos after Ry knocked it down.

  “Well, at least you didn’t blow up your working relationship with him,” her mother said. “That’s something, I suppose.”

  Claire sighed as she dried her hands on her apron. “Gee, thanks for the support, Mom.”

  Her mother reached across and gave her a one-armed hug. “Come on, you know I’ll always have your back. But this…this thing you’ve got…” She shook her head. “Claire, if you keep letting it stand in your way, you’re on the road to ending up a sad old lady like me.”

  “You a sad old lady? Give me a break. You’re happy as a clam, and every man in town over forty thinks you’re a total hottie. Some of the younger ones do too, in case you haven’t noticed.”

  “Really, such an exaggeration. But even if that were true, it’s hardly the point, dear daughter.”

  “I’m well aware of the point, dear mother. You’ve made it about two hundred times since I moved back home.”

  “Yet apparently it still hasn’t sunk in.”

  Claire felt brutally close to the breaking point. There was nothing Mom or anyone else could tell her that she hadn’t already told herself dozens of times. She didn’t want to snap at her mother, so she remained tight-lipped.

  Both women stayed silent as Claire retrieved the pair of lobsters from the freezer and dunked them head first into the pot of boiling water. Then she arranged them on the bottom, covered the pot, and turned the heat down.

  “I know it was the crash that did it,” her mom finally said. “That was such a shame. I was so happy when you found the courage to go to that race with Ry. I thought you cared enough about him to accept that what he was doing was a little risky. Or at least you were ready to give it an honest try.”

  “Yes, and that’s exactly what I did.”

  “But then the accident brought all those old memories about Julie and your father back—and in the most awful, vivid way. That’s so obvious, Claire.” Her mother’s eyes were full of sympathy. “Believe me, I understand what seeing that crash unfold must have done to you. To see the man you care about carted off in an ambulance—well, of course it was terrible.”

  “Terrible? It was an absolute nightmare. I still can’t stop thinking about it.”

  “You can’t stop thinking about him, you mean.”

  Claire gave her weak smile. “Yep, I’m as bad as some sad sack, lovesick teenager obsessing about the boyfriend who dumped her.”

  “Technically, you dumped him, but that’s beside the point. The question now is what are you going to do about it? And don’t tell me it’s too late. Because in my world, it’s never too late.”

  Claire supposed that was true, since her mom had an active dating life that she clearly enjoyed, despite her comment about being a sad old lady.

  “What am I going to do about it?” she said. “What more am I supposed to do? Just wish the problem away? You of all people know everything I’ve done—how hard I’ve tried. I’ve taken anti-anxiety meds. I’ve had expensive therapy. I even moved back to Brides Bay to get away from the city and the memories. But I still can’t handle the idea of…” She started to choke up.

  “Of losing someone else you love,” her mother finished. “Because you love Ry Griffin, don’t you, sweetheart? You hate what he does, but you’re madly in love with the man. From the beginning, I saw how good you two were together. It was so obvious.”

  Claire shrugged. “Sometimes love isn’t enough, is it? Things couldn’t possibly work out between Ry and me. For one thing, how could he live with someone who can’t accept him just the way he is?”

  “Look, I’m not going to tell you I was just like you—you know that wasn’t the case. But I did worry about your father every time he went out in his boat. Every single time, Claire. I knew all too well what the risks were…the risks he was choosing to take. And yes, they scared me half to death. But I learned to live with them, because I loved Ben so much. Can’t you bend a bit for the man you love too?”

  Her mother had somehow managed to control her fears. Claire wished she could find the same courage.

  “Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to see your father off to his mooring every morning,” Mom went on when Claire, too wrapped up in her thoughts, didn’t respond. “In anything short of pea soup fog or a tropical gale, he’d be on the bay—and often far out in the ocean after the lobsters moved offshore. Even as a little girl I was all too aware of the dangers of lobster fishing. Your grandma thought I was touched in the head to even think about marrying a bug catcher like Ben Maddox.”

  Claire had to chuckle. “I think that had more to do with Daddy being the town hellion than a lobster fisherman.”

  “Yes, your father was a risk-taker in just about every way,” her mother said, her blue eyes soft with memories. “But he was also smart, handsome, and so much fun. It always seemed a miracle that he picked me, when he could have had just about any girl in Brides Bay. Even after we were married, I thought it was all incredibly exciting and wonderful. Every day was an adventure because of Ben. But then you girls came along, and we both realized it was time to grow up.”

  “But Daddy never really changed that much,” Claire protested. “Not that I saw anyway.”

  She had vivid memories of her dad tearing around the bay in his souped-up skiff. While her sister had loved to ride with him, Claire had refused to go again after he took her and a couple of her friends for a harrowing jaunt through waves that might have capsized the boat in the hands of a less skilled sailor. She’d never forget kneeling at the gunwale and tossing her cookies in the bay.

  Her mom wagged a finger. “Your take on your father has always been colored by the tragic way he died. The truth is he changed a lot because of you and Katie. He gave up most of his bad habits, like drinking too much and driving too fast.”

  “I know, but you could never stop him taking unnecessary risks out on the water. Nobody could.” When she hit her early teens, Claire had started to regularly plead with her dad to give up fishing. But he would simply pat her head and tell her he’d be fine. That he’d always be fine.

  And he was, until the day he wasn’t.

  With a mental jolt, Claire realized that all these years later she was still angry with her father for breaking those promises to her. It was a decidedly uncomfortable revelation. How could she remain so angry with the man she’d always adored?

  Her mother shook her head, unaware of the mini-revolution going on inside her daughter’s head.

  “No, he couldn’t change how he made his living,” Mom said. “Wouldn’t change. Ben only knew one way to fish lobster—flat out. There was nothing I could do about that, so what was I supposed to do? Leave him?” She gave a little snort. “Like that was ever going to happen. I’d have died first. So, when it came down to it, I just had to accept him the way he was and always would be.”

  “He used to say he lived for fishing,” Claire said. “For a fast lobster boat and a good salt wind off a gentle sea.”

  “That was what your father needed to be happy. It was who he was, and it made him the man I loved. The man I wanted to spend my life with and the man who would father my children.” Her smile held a lifetime of wisdom, sadness, and joy. “He went way too soon, my darling daughter, and that made life really hard for us for a very
long time. But I don’t regret one single minute I spent with him.”

  Claire thought about her mother’s words, trying hard to hear them without the filter of ramped up emotions.

  “Ry’s like Dad in a lot of ways,” she finally said. “Hardheaded. Stubborn. A little arrogant.”

  Her mom nodded. “I can see that. Your father was hardheaded, but he was also strong and exciting and brave. Life was never boring with him around. And I’m pretty sure life with your hockey star would be anything but boring too.”

  “Yes, but I’d have preferred to have a boring father who was still with us than an exciting one who’s in his grave.”

  The look at her mother’s face brought Claire up short. How could I have said something that awful?

  “Oh God, I’m sorry, Mom. That was an awful thing to say.” She hugged her mother like she had when she was a little girl—fiercely, like she would never let her go.

  Her mother returned the hug but then stepped back and held her at arm’s length. “Claire, life is what it is. People can change, but sometimes not as much as you want them to. So you either have to accept them or walk away. And if you walk away, you have to take the consequences, including the walls that might go up around your heart. You know walls are never a good thing. You spent quite a bit of time trying to convince Ry of that, did you not?”

  “Oh, well played, Mom,” Claire said wryly. “Yes, I did.”

  Her mother chucked her under the chin, like she used to do when Claire was a child. “Thank you for being honest about that. Now, if you care as much about that man as I think you do, you’re going to have to decide if he’s worth taking some risks.”

  “Just like you did.” Claire eased out of her mother’s grasp and went to the stove. A couple of more minutes and the lobsters would be ready. “I get it. I really do. The thing is, I just don’t know if I have as much courage in me as you did.” She grimaced. “You know I’m a wimp.”

  “Stop that nonsense. You’re incredibly brave. Look at the way you put your life back together after the accident. You just have to want it bad enough. Do you want it bad enough, Claire?”

  Of course she did. As much as she wanted Julie and her father alive and standing before her right now. That was impossible, of course, but Ry…well, he seemed very much possible.

  If she had the courage to do something about it.

  That’s a big if, sister.

  “Well, yeah,” she said, trying to lighten things up. “Ry would be a spectacular catch, seeing as he’s rich and all.”

  “As if you would care about that.” Then her mom smiled, looking a bit misty. “Wouldn’t you just love to have a wedding at the old house, in a big tent overlooking the bluffs? Wouldn’t that be amazing?”

  Amazing was the word for it. And scary too, because she would have to be the one to change if she had any hope of finding that kind of happy ending. And she truly didn’t know if she had it in her.

  “Oh, for goodness sake, Mom. That’s putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the poor animal would need binoculars to spot it.”

  Her mother gave her a smug smile. “You’ll never get anywhere with negative thinking, sweetheart. Now, do you think Ry would like my roast beef? I do believe I’d like to ask him for Sunday dinner.”

  Claire sighed, knowing her chances with Ry were slim to none unless she did something drastic. Too bad she didn’t yet have a clue as to what that something was.

  Chapter 26

  Bleary from another sleep-challenged night, Claire took extra care driving down Bluff Drive, the narrow, winding stretch of no-shoulder road that traced the circumference of Promise Island. She’d spent most of the night dwelling on her conversation with her mother and wrestling with her fears.

  She was afraid of giving up those fears. That was what had spooked her. She’d finally figured it out and felt and felt stupid that she hadn’t done it before. As much as she hated them, her fears had framed the way she looked at the world for so long that she wasn’t sure what life would be like without them.

  It was time to find out. Time to kick fear in the ass.

  What if Ry doesn’t believe you? What if he doesn’t buy that you have it in you to change?

  Even worse, what if he no longer even cares? After the New Hampshire debacle, maybe he’d already moved on. It’d felt that way to her the other night at the Dory.

  “Shut up, fear,” she muttered as she turned into Ry’s driveway. “This is about me, not you.”

  It wasn’t even about Ry. It really was about her, and her ability to overcome. Regardless of his answer, it would be an epic mistake if she were to chicken out now. She’d spend the rest of her life second-guessing herself.

  She could hear Stanley barking before she even got out of her car. He always recognized the sound of her Hyundai, and his bark was one of greeting, not warning. She’d missed the big doofus and couldn’t wait to see him.

  Ry swung open the door before she could ring the bell. “Claire, I wasn’t expecting you.” Then his brows snapped together in a worried frown. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “Well, not really, but…”

  Argh, get it together.

  She sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I should have called first. Have you got a minute to talk now?” Given how he’d acted the other night at the pub, she half expected him to say no.

  He smiled and stepped back. “Of course. Come on in.”

  Feeling a bit weak with relief, Claire swept past him then stopped for a moment to give Stanley a rub on the head. When Ry closed the door, she turned to face him. “I need to say something, and it’s not—”

  “Hang on a second,” he said, gently interrupting her. “I have to say something first.”

  Flustered, she nodded.

  “Claire, I was going to come see you today—to apologize for the way I acted at the Dory the other night. I was a dick, and I’m sorry.”

  She scrunched up her nose. “Well, yes, you kind of were.”

  “Not kind of. Totally. Sam really threw me with that comment she made, but I had no business taking it out on you.”

  Her lungs felt like they could finally work the way they were supposed to. “Okay, apology accepted.”

  She stared up at him, and God, he looked good. When he gave her a teasing smile, she could feel herself blushing.

  “So…what did you come over to say?” he asked.

  “Oh, well, I’ve been thinking about what happened in New Hampshire and everything since. And it’s, um, well, it’s…” She was still having a tough time finding the right words.

  “It’s what?” he prompted.

  Just say it, Claire, no matter how much it scares you.

  “Actually, I was wondering if you could take a little trip up to Damariscotta with me today,” she said in a firmer voice. “Kind of like we did the first time we went, but different. I’d like to do a reset, if you’d be okay with that.”

  He arched his brows. “A reset? Like Groundhog Day?”

  “Not exactly, because I want to do one thing completely new this time.”

  “And that is?”

  “I’d like to ride there with you—on your Harley.”

  * * *

  The motorcycle bumped along a rock-strewn trail Claire hadn’t known existed until now. The path cut through a copse of pine trees tall enough to cast Ry and her in virtual darkness. She hung onto him with a strength born of near-desperation, even though the bike was going no more than about fifteen miles an hour. He’d told her he didn’t want her first experience on a motorcycle to be some nerve-wracking blast up the highway. Instead, he’d started off at gentle speed on a county highway and then had unexpectedly turned onto a dirt road. There, he’d slowed to a crawl and started down this semi-overgrown cut through the woods.

  Claire had no idea where they were headed. She was content to just see where he’d take her. Today it was the journey that counted, not the destination.

/>   They emerged onto grassy open ground that descended to a rocky beachfront below. Ry bumped the bike carefully down the slope and stopped just above the beach. He took off his helmet and twisted around to look at her. With slightly shaky hands, she removed her helmet.

  “How’re you doing?” He was smiling, but his eyes looked a bit worried.

  “Okay, I think.” She felt like she’d been on a roller coaster. “I’m wondering why you came this way. Since we turned off the main road, we’ve been heading in almost the opposite direction from Damariscotta.”

  He got off the bike and helped her down. “I’ll show you why.” He extended a leather-clad arm to point southwest. “Take a look over there.”

  She shaded her eyes with the flat of her hand. “Ah, that’s Promise Island.”

  “Have you seen it from here before?”

  “No, not from this spot. I didn’t even know you could get down here from the road.”

  He smiled. “I discovered this trail yesterday when I was poking around, trying to get my head around some stuff.”

  When he slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side, Claire almost fainted from surprise. She was grateful for the support, since her legs were still a little wobbly.

  “It’s a spectacular view, isn’t it?” he said. “From this vantage point, you can’t see a single house on the island. Yesterday, I just stood here and imagined what it was like when it was all just wilderness and silence over there. I guess that was the hermit in me coming out.”

  Her throat went a little tight. “You don’t have to be a hermit to appreciate the island. It’s the most special place on earth to me.”

  He glanced down at her, eyebrows raised. “Even now?”

  She knew what he meant—even now that rich outsiders might be in the process of turning Promise into their exclusive retreat. “It’s not ruined yet, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “No, but it’s on its way.”

  She turned to gaze up at him. When one of his hands slid down to rest gently on her hip, she wanted to melt against him. She resisted the temptation, because this conversation was too important to pretend that everything was suddenly okay between them.