Summer at the Shore (Seashell Bay Book 2) Read online

  Morgan didn’t need to ask if he was going to take the job. She could read it in his eyes. Everything she’d been afraid of was happening right now.

  Nausea swamped her. How had she let herself think even for a moment that Ryan might stay in Seashell Bay? That he might actually give up the military life he loved and become an innkeeper, a handyman, a security chief, or who-knew-what on this little outpost? She’d been hopelessly naïve.

  She dredged up every ounce of control and self-respect she had in her. After all, Ryan had never promised her that he’d be staying. He’d always been honest about that—honest that he loved what he did, just as she loved teaching. Really, how could she criticize him for following his dream?

  “I understand. I really do,” she said.

  “I haven’t agreed to take the job yet, but I don’t see how I can turn it down,” he said. “It’s what I wanted. It’s what I’m good at too, and I figure I could do it for a long time, right here in the States. Openings in those training positions are rare, Morgan. Really rare. I’m lucky they’re even considering me, much less offering me the job.”

  She turned away, toward the ocean. She couldn’t bear for him to see how gutted she was, how she struggled with an irrational sense of betrayal. “You don’t need to convince me, Ryan. I said I understood. And I can tell you’ve made up your mind, so you don’t need to try and justify it.”

  Shaking off his hand, she wandered blindly across the beach to a big jumble of rocks, one nearly as tall as her. She kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the flattest one, staring out to sea. A moment later, Ryan climbed up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. Though her instinct was to twist out of his gentle grip, she forced herself not to react so childishly.

  “Okay, but we can still talk about it,” he said.

  “Please don’t worry about it,” she blurted out. “We always said we’d take it one day at a time. Things change, and we have to adapt. Like I had to after my dad died.”

  “True,” he said softly. “Maybe the worst part is that I have to be there by Monday. They gave me an ultimatum to be there or forget about the job.”

  “Monday?” How can this be happening? We made love just this morning, and everything was fine. How can it all be falling apart again?

  “I’m sorry, babe. It’s tearing my guts out to think about leaving before we get the kayak operation in business, or the inn is finished. I could probably help some from a distance, but I know that would still leave you in the lurch. That part really sucks.”

  And what about leaving her? Didn’t that suck too?

  Morgan had no hope right now of wrapping her brain around what it would take to get the kayak operation running or what his leaving would mean to reopening and rebranding the inn. All she could think about was what his leaving meant to her.

  “That’s not your responsibility,” she ground out. “Sabrina and I will manage. We always do.”

  He put a little pressure on her shoulders to try to turn her around to face him, but she resisted, planting her feet even more firmly on the slick surface. She wasn’t ready to look at him. If she did, she might dissolve into a puddle of tears, or maybe she’d even explode in anger. The jury was still out on which. For the moment, she simply fought to maintain control.

  “Of course you will,” he said, sliding his hands down her stiff arms and letting her go. It was an echo of the absence that was soon to come. “But as soon as I can manage a chunk of time off, I’ll fly back here for a few days and—”

  A silent detonation went off inside her head. She whirled around so quickly that she almost lost her footing. When Ryan jerked out a hand to steady her, she knocked it away.

  “No!” she snapped. “When you go, I want you to stay away for a long time, like you’ve always done. And please don’t think we could just pick up where we left off when you came back home for a visit, because that can’t happen. I can’t be your island booty call.”

  I can never let this happen again. Never.

  It would kill her if she let him back into her life, knowing he would never stay.

  His gaze went wide with shock. “Jesus, Morgan, it was never that, and you know it. I care for you, a hell of a lot.”

  She closed her eyes, forcing herself to throttle it back. She took several deep, slow breaths to calm her racing heart. When she opened her eyes again, he was watching her with a look that seemed both wary and anguished.

  “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for,” she said. “I know you do. But we both know what the reality is here, Ryan. So it’s better for me if you just stay away for a while, okay? Give me a chance to find my balance again.”

  To get over having my heart shredded.

  He took a step back down off the rock, holding up his hands. “Okay, I get it.” He shook his head, and his jaw went tight with frustration. “Jesus, this sucks.”

  She sighed. His decision likely wasn’t much easier on him than it was on her. Ryan was a good guy, and she was sure he felt like he was abandoning her, and Sabrina too.

  “I’m sorry, Ryan. I’m just a little . . . I guess it’s just all too sudden for me to take in. You’ll need to give me some time to sort things out. It’s . . . it’s a big change from this morning, you know?”

  His tender smile broke her heart all over again. “Believe me, babe, I know.” He glanced out at the lobster boat and pulled his sunglasses back down before looking at her again. “It doesn’t have to be over, Morgan.”

  His voice was soft and infinitely kind, but she heard no conviction in it. Morgan knew full well how he felt about long-distance relationships, since he’d mentioned it often enough. This was his guilt talking.

  “Really?” she said. “With you in Texas and me in Maine? It’s not exactly like you could pop back here for weekends. Let’s not try to kid ourselves that we could make that sort of thing work for very long.”

  “Morgan—”

  “I don’t need your pity, Ryan,” she said. “And you don’t owe me anything.”

  That shut him up. He stared at her, probably trying to figure out whether she meant what she said.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he finally said in a voice that sounded like it had been dragged over gravel. “But at least we’ve got a few more days together, and I’ve got a bit more time to work on finding someone to take over the kayaking project.”

  Morgan didn’t think she could take it. Being with him day and night until he left, letting him in again but knowing he would then be walking away from her forever. It was an awful prospect.

  “No,” she said in low voice.

  Ryan shot her a puzzled look. “Did you say no?”

  “I think it’s best that you just get on the boat and go. Or if you do stick around the island until Sunday, don’t come around here. I mean it, Ryan. It’s the only way I can deal with this.” Like ripping off the biggest, stickiest Band-Aid in the universe, one the size of an entire planet. She could only do it once.

  Nothing brought a relationship into sharper focus than ending it, and every bone in Morgan’s body told her she’d been crazy to get in so deep with a guy who she knew would probably leave. It was her fault, and it was time she started digging out of the wretched hole she’d made for herself.

  “Honey, at least let me walk you back to the house,” he said. Now she could hear the anguish in his voice.

  She shook her head. “No. I want you to go.”

  Ryan turned away and took a few steps down the beach. Slowly, she stepped down from the rock.

  When he turned and started back toward her, she jumped. He shoved his glasses back up again, his gaze zeroing in on her with breath-stealing intensity.

  “If that’s what you really want, that’s what I’ll do,” he said. “But be sure, Morgan. Be really sure.”

  No, it’s the last thing I want! But it was what she needed. “It’s for the best. Sabrina is going to be very upset, and I think it would be better if you two didn’t see each other again b
efore you go.”

  Sabrina would not only be angry with Ryan, she’d likely give Morgan hell for letting him get away. It was not going to be a happy discussion.

  Ryan shook his head. “No, I want to say good-bye to her and explain why.”

  “Not until I break the news. And it’ll be up to Sabrina, but I’ll let you know.”

  “Shit,” he shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe it. “Well, I guess that’s it then.”

  “I guess so,” Morgan managed.

  When he took a step forward and enfolded her in his arms, she didn’t resist. But she turned her head away so he couldn’t kiss her. So he couldn’t see the tears flooding her eyes.

  “Please go, Ryan,” she said in a choked voice. “I’ll call and let you know about Sabrina.”

  He held her tightly for a moment longer, stroking her hair before planting a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re an amazing woman, Morgan,” he whispered. “You’ll always be in my heart.”

  She didn’t look up when he let her go and retreated down the beach. She managed to resist for almost a minute. After that, she didn’t take her eyes off him until he disappeared up the slope.

  “I’ll love you forever, Ryan Butler,” she whispered out loud. “Damn you.”

  Chapter 26

  Lily tightened her grip on Morgan’s arm as they inched down the ferry dock through the mob waiting to board.

  “You sure you’re okay to do this?” Lily asked. “It’s hell saying good-bye here, even at the best of times.”

  Their glacial pace made Morgan feel like she was in a funeral procession. That somber analogy seemed almost appropriate, since Ryan’s impending departure was just about killing her. She’d been telling herself for the last four days that she’d be fine, but it was so not true. Not only was she a wreck, she truly felt like there was unfinished business between them.

  Morgan practically had to clamber over a huge pile of suitcases left in the middle of the dock by a noisy family of tourists. “I can’t let him go without telling him how I really feel. I was a total coward not to tell him that day on the beach, when I had the chance.”

  “You’re no coward at all, crazy woman. And I still might murder Ryan. Aiden and I have been fighting about it ever since you told me. Men always stick together on crap like this,” she said with disgust.

  “Thanks, sweetie,” Morgan said, “but Ryan has to do what’ll make him happy. I don’t blame him for that.”

  Lily shot her a skeptical glance but didn’t say anything more. Just ahead, Ryan and Aiden were in the middle of a pack of islanders waiting to catch one of the early boats into the city. The crowded scene wasn’t exactly the setting for a quiet, tearful good-bye, and that suited Morgan just fine. She’d already cried enough to last her a very long time.

  Since their fight on the beach, she’d been wrestling with the fact that she’d never told Ryan straight out that she loved him. Not that it would matter—not in any way that counted. Her life was in Seashell Bay, with Sabrina, while Ryan’s life was clearly and probably permanently in Texas. Then there was the little fact that he’d made it abundantly clear that he’d never wanted a long-term relationship, much less declared any feelings of love for her. That was a fairly daunting impediment.

  Still, if Morgan let him get on that boat without taking the chance to declare her true feelings, she knew it would dog her for the rest of her life. For her own sake, she had to put it out there. How Ryan responded was mostly beside the point.

  Mostly.

  “Aiden finally promised me that he’d take another shot at Ryan on the boat,” Lily whispered as the approaching ferry edged sideways to butt up against the dock. “To try to convince him to stay.”

  Morgan grimaced. “Talk doesn’t change people’s minds, Lily. They have to want it deep in their hearts or their guts or wherever those emotions come from. Ryan’s heart is telling him to go.”

  “No, his stupid head is telling him to go. The dope could have the best woman on Earth and a great job with Aiden, and instead he’s going off to teach mercenaries and bodyguards how to fight better? That’s the definition of stupid if you ask me.”

  Morgan thought so too, although she couldn’t bring herself to admit it.

  The guys looked surprised when Morgan and Lily squeezed through the crowd to reach them.

  “I didn’t expect to see either of you this morning,” Aiden said to Lily. “Shouldn’t you be hauling traps right about now, babe?” He bent and gave her a kiss.

  “The lobsters aren’t going anywhere,” Lily said. “We couldn’t let Ryan slip away without a send-off, could we, Morgan?”

  Morgan forced herself to smile at Ryan.

  “You look amazing,” Ryan said, taking off his sunglasses. His dark gaze locked on her with surprising intensity.

  He obviously approved of her pink sundress—the one she stopped wearing last year after she gained five pounds. But she’d shed those five and a few more since her father’s death. Oh, well, she’d always liked this dress, so she guessed that was a plus.

  “I see Jack Gallant over there,” Lily said. “Aiden, let’s go say hello for a second.” She pulled on her husband’s elbow to get him moving.

  “See you on board,” Aiden said to Ryan over his shoulder.

  Ryan nodded absently to his friend, keeping his eyes on Morgan. “I really didn’t think I’d see you again.”

  She sucked in a breath for courage. “I had to come. I had to tell you something important before you go.”

  When a couple of teenagers bumped into her, Ryan took her by the arms and moved her to the side, shielding her with his body. She gave him a grateful smile, her heart breaking a little bit more at the way he so instinctively protected her.

  “I should have told you the other day that I loved you,” she said quietly. “Before that, really. I’ve never said those words to any man before, Ryan. But I do love you, with all my heart, and I needed you to know that.”

  If not so stricken, she would have laughed at the stunned look on his face, kind of like she’d just punched him in the gut.

  He took her cheeks in his big hands as he leaned down to give her a brief but heartfelt kiss. “I’m glad you told me. And I’m really going to miss you, Morgan. I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for . . .” He didn’t finish his sentence, shaking his head instead.

  Sorry for me falling in love with you?

  Morgan guessed that might be what he was trying to say. But it wasn’t his fault. It couldn’t be, because she’d loved Ryan Butler for a very long time. She just hadn’t been able to see it clearly before this summer, much less say it to him. “You don’t have to be sorry about anything, Ryan. I have no regrets.”

  “Jesus, Morgan,” he said. “I—”

  She poked him in the chest. “Well, maybe I do have one regret. It’s that you weren’t able to mount my new weather vane before you left.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You did promise that you’d do it, you know.”

  His mouth dropped open. “Uh, well, you said it would be ready today, and I told you I could stay until Sunday. You were the one—”

  She poked him again. “Idiot. I’m trying to lighten things up so I don’t start blubbering all over you.”

  “Oh, okay.” He gave her a hesitant smile before glancing at the crowd streaming onto the boat. “Aiden is driving me from the ferry to the airport before he goes to work.”

  “That’s nice of him,” Morgan said inanely. Ugh.

  Now he was looking almost as nervous as she felt. “I’d better get on board before they pull the gangway,” he said, hoisting his duffel.

  This was it. The moment she’d been dreading all summer. In a few minutes he’d be out of sight and out of her life.

  She went up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Be safe, Ryan, and be happy.”

  But Ryan didn’t move, not even when Aiden gave his arm a quick tug. He waved his friend away. Aiden got the message and hurried on board
.

  “I was just thinking that this is the first time in my life that I’m sad to leave Seashell Bay,” Ryan said in a gruff voice. “You be happy too, Morgan Merrifield. Know that I’ll never forget you.”

  He turned and strode across the gangway without looking back.

  Lily appeared by her side and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  Morgan shook her head. She wasn’t okay. She couldn’t watch the boat cast off. Didn’t want to know if Ryan was at the rail waving or not. It felt like her heart had been ripped out and would travel away with him.

  “I know it’s practically the crack of dawn, but how does coffee with a shot of Irish whisky sound?” Lily said. “It might be just what the doctor ordered.”

  Morgan sniffled as she squeezed her pal’s waist. “Two shots sounds even better.”

  Ryan didn’t need to hear any more reasons from his oldest friend about why he should stay. He knew them all and hadn’t been able to think about much else since Capstone’s call. In fact, he’d been driving himself crazy with doubt since the moment he’d told Morgan he had to leave, and saying good-bye to her on the dock had almost done him in. It had taken all his willpower not to let her see how torn up he was, making their parting even more heart wrenching than it needed to be.

  “Look,” Aiden said, taking the exit to the airport. “If you take the position with me, I’ll get the lawyer to put a clause in the contract giving you an out after six months. If it doesn’t work—either with Morgan or with the job—you can always go back to Double Shield.”

  Ryan shook his head. “Like I said, I really appreciate everything you’re trying to do. But if I don’t take this opportunity now, I won’t get another chance for years. And maybe never.”

  Aiden threw him an irate glance. “That combat training job really means that much to you?”

  Yes. No.

  “We’re talking about the rest of my life here. The rest of my career, anyway.”